when I’m finally going to get past my issues over my father. He’s just absent, kind of always has been. I hate this. But not him. I know I should, but it’s pointless. Part of me just wishes he’d been (or be) a real father. But what does that matter now? I’m too old for this.
Most of the guys I’ve dated have been either clingy as hell, or so distant and indifferent, that I’d wonder if we were even in a relationship at all. Two of my relationships felt, after a while, like they were just one-sided.
It hit me today. I think the reason that I had a hard time getting over the ex-boy, (despite the fact that we didn’t even date for very long. Jesus. Big deal.) is that he turned on a damn dime, reneged on everything he’d said and did beforehand, and suddenly bailed out of nowhere.
Yet, I’ll still get random one or two-sentence messages from him on IM. What the hell is that about?
Yep. He exhibited that same dodgy behavior that my dad did (and still does.)
I really don’t want to seek out guys who play that stupid hard-to-get bullshit. I don’t like to play it myself, so I simply… don’t. But what if it’s all subconscious, seeking out someone who is clearly on path to abandon me?
Short of giving up on whole deal and entering a convent, how do I arm myself against that?
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