Didn't get any sleep last night, and ended up having a nightmare about a botched surgery in an OR. I don't know if I was one of the doctors or what... I have no idea why I was there in the first place.

The guy on the gurney is clinically dead, and rigor mortis is setting in, when he starts heaving, and blood pours from his eyes, ears, and mouth.

His eyes begin to bulge and he's screaming.

The pressure in his head gets to be too much, and his forehead starts to, I don't know, gurgle? What looks like worms are slithering under his skin, and then his brain bursts through his skull. 

This is why I don't need drugs.

I can't stand this fascist bitch

Disgusting. Incendiary. Pathetic.



Oh, and I hate Pat Buchanan, too.

August can't arrive fast enough

I don't know what it is, but when I got home last night from our Team Travelwhore meeting, I felt like I could do anything.

See, I'm actually going to Europe this summer. Like, for real, yo. Plane tickets and hostel reservations have been made. I possess a brand-spanking-new passport.

There ain't no backin' out now.

My mood was exponentially lifted... I was dancing like a fool in my livingroom, I tidied my house like effing Mary Poppins, and I tuned my guitar perfectly. I strummed some chords, and they sounded more beautiful than I'd ever heard myself play before.

I thought about the people we'll meet in the 2 or 3 hostels we'll be staying at... the first-hand, close-up view of green Irish fields... the sound of bustling Londoners on the tube... drinking Guinness in Ireland... a indie rock show or two in an English pub instead of fucking Cavanaugh's... actually walking across Abbey Road... and I felt happier, wiser, and boundless... and I'm not even there yet.

For once in a long time, I didn't feel the nagging fear. The sinking feeling of sadness. I didn't feel like I needed to tear apart every emotion to shreds to figure it out.

I just wish that feeling hung around in all the other aspects of my life, for longer than a day.

Note: I am not depressed. I am just fine. There is nothing wrong with me.

So why suddenly do I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle again? I hate this. I'm a happier girl than this, I swear.

I guess I just scare easy. I'll be aight.